Well this is far from a crush now, i’ve been crushed literally. I have fallen, the bruises on my legs show how hard. I could’ve stayed in ignorant bliss,and continued on with being ‘happy’ with you. Believing i was the only one. Oh well. The feelings in my heart aren’t gonna go away easy. You hurt me. You lied to me. You made me believe that there was a honest man out there. And faster than that, you showed me how many lies I believed. Then just let me go.
Yes I know I made my own mistakes and told stupid lies, which probably pushed you to keep her around even more. I’m sorry. And for some reason as I’m writing this. Our apologies don’t seem as sincere through a computer or a phone. Anyone can write. I wish I talked to you when I couldn’t sleep.
It hurt me so bad to see the things that I thought were meant for only me, being said to someone else. Someone else who you made me believe was no threat. In reality, a big one. History always wins over the present. As much as I wanted to make new memories with you, well we did. Aside from all the arguing (which I slightly enjoyed) every moment I spent with you I loved. The anticipation of planning to see you always made me happy. Good morning’s and good night baby, made me smile all over. Meeting your friends and family and loving every single person, even the ones that got on your nerves. Your mother and grandmother are beautiful strong women, and the respect that you had for them made me love you even more.
My last weekend with you, I was mad and happy all at the same time. I know you sensed it, I felt your body try to suffocate me in my sleep. lol. Im glad I was able to be there with you during your tough times. It wasn’t the right time to say good-bye, but i couldn’t hold it in any longer. If I could go back, and take in every last moment in with you. I would. Who else is gonna lick my face while im sleep?? ;)
But now, I question if everything you said was true, if I even really had a chance, could you possibly leave the old habits behind one day? I regret a lot. But learned even more. Question….. are you really happy?
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