Thursday, June 24, 2010

Day 2 ♥ Letter To My Crush

Well this is far from a crush now, i’ve been crushed literally. I have fallen, the bruises on my legs show how hard. I could’ve stayed in ignorant bliss,and continued on with being ‘happy’ with you. Believing i was the only one. Oh well. The feelings in my heart aren’t gonna go away easy. You hurt me. You lied to me. You made me believe that there was a honest man out there. And faster than that, you showed me how many lies I believed. Then just let me go.
Yes I know I made my own mistakes and told stupid lies, which probably pushed you to keep her around even more. I’m sorry. And for some reason as I’m writing this. Our apologies don’t seem as sincere through a computer or a phone. Anyone can write. I wish I talked to you when I couldn’t sleep.
It hurt me so bad to see the things that I thought were meant for only me, being said to someone else. Someone else who you made me believe was no threat. In reality, a big one. History always wins over the present. As much as I wanted to make new memories with you, well we did. Aside from all the arguing (which I slightly enjoyed) every moment I spent with you I loved. The anticipation of planning to see you always made me happy. Good morning’s and good night baby, made me smile all over. Meeting your friends and family and loving every single person, even the ones that got on your nerves. Your mother and grandmother are beautiful strong women, and the respect that you had for them made me love you even more.
My last weekend with you, I was mad and happy all at the same time. I know you sensed it, I felt your body try to suffocate me in my sleep. lol.  Im glad I was able to be there with you during your tough times. It wasn’t the right time to say good-bye, but i couldn’t hold it in any longer. If I could go back, and take in every last moment in with you. I would. Who else is gonna lick my face while im sleep?? ;)
But now, I question if everything you said was true, if I even really had a chance, could you possibly leave the old habits behind one day? I regret a lot. But learned even more. Question….. are you really happy?

Day 1 ♥ Letter To My Best Friend

I’ve known you for only a year now, wait its going on two. win =) But I love you so much for being in my life. I dont know what I would do without you. Well I am, with us living in different states now, its the hardest thing ever.

When I needed to cry on someone’s shoulder, you were there. When I needed someone to take random trips with me, you were there. When I needed someone just to sit in the room with me and not say anything… you were there. And I still enjoyed every bit of your company.

I have plenty of close friends. But you stand out. I NEVER have to think twice about what I want to say to you, it could be the most outlandish thing and not even for a second would you judge me, have the time it was always a ”Me too!” I remember when I first met you, I didn’t like you to much. Seemed like just another rude New Yorker. It wasn’t until that one night at the studio where we became close. And each trip to the studio we became closer. There was never a time when i got tired of being around you. I think, yeah there was once. When we had that falling out. I wanted to talk shit about you, but the only person I wanted to talk to was you. Then that day when Mel’s instigating ass made us talk when I had to get my shit from you. First thing you said was ”I missed you Drea” … yeaahh thats right. I won bitch.

 What other friend cries for you when you get hurt, feels the pain you do and not even in the same state. I love you, I haven’t seen you in a year. It kills me. Come back to me Johnnie.

P.s : bring your hair supplies. =D

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Ignorance is Bliss

when are we really happy? Are we happy when we know that things can't go wrong. When we don't know any better or better yet, the truth.

A baby always seem so happy because they can't comprehend the cruelties of reality. everything is at peace for them.

Now when a loved one hurts you, and your afraid to let that person go.... its then you wish for that ignorance to remain in that euphoria of happiness. To continue on and wish to deal with the pain a later time. Point is, truth hurts. Ignorance is bliss..... where would you rather be?

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

10 Steps Back

I never thought I would be back in this situation. Feeling like there's a part of me missing because I gave so much. So much I feel like i was left with nothing. As a deep part of me wants everything to be back to normal, but I know that this was for the better.

The lies. The smiles. The yelling. The Kisses.

I could be happy and complain about them all. But I sit here. Trying not to cry. Thinking of a way I fill the place you once held. Because I was so close to that happiness that i always wanted. Now it all seems like a false hope.

This all too familiar pain that I never wanted to feel again. Because of that who knows how long this one would take.

heartless ♥ romantic 

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Where do we go from here.

I know I made some mistakes
but theres still something about me worth holding on to,
something left to help me grow.

But baby, you have to do your part and let go. 

Let go and let love happen.

Mistakes are meant to be learned from.
                   I learned

heartless romantic