I forgot how to be selfish. I'm not to sure if I ever knew how. All I knew was to take care of my family and anyone that cared for me. It was like my superpower. I can get anyone's problem handled near or from afar. It was amazing being able to see that persons smile or hear them jump for joy. It made me happy.
But when it came to me, I was lost, stuck, confused. Calling everyone for help to only be responded with "I'm sorry you're going through this". Is it my fault? Do I unknowingly make these mistakes myself? How can the problem solver solve her own problems? I never can. Feeling so overwhelmed. Point of tears and no more options. And every time I believe there is no other options, God always manages to help me find a way.
It may sound cliche, but those exact thoughts are the reason why I have faith tatted on me. I get so engulfed by these negative thoughts I forget the exact reason why I went through with something I swore up and down I would never do. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3;5)" Even though I'm still learning to accept these words and not go with my natural inclination of fear and doubt, it still manages to make it's way through those thoughts and remind me. Have Faith.