It's Whatever.

How is it that I feel like I always end up here? Wondering what’s wrong with me? What did I do to always end up here? And it’s crazy because I never thought that you would be the one to make me feel this way.
I feel like I have this curse on me, something with guys it never seems to work.
You were my best friend; every time I got hurt… you would be mad, anytime I needed to cry, you were there without judgment. I could tell you anything, you still hold some of my deepest secrets I could never tell anyone.
But here I am alone, wondering how we got to this place, everything I was afraid of became true, lost my best friend, experiencing pain I never wanted to feel again…crying because I feel like a fool.
What hurts even more…is feeling like you lied to me and used me. When I wanted to be nothing more than someone that genuinely made you happy. Maybe it’s because I asked for it that I feel this way, maybe it’s because I let myself believe that I could actually have someone. But in the back of my head I knew, I knew you weren't genuine, I knew it could never be me.
I never wanted to have these feelings, they came on their own, or they were there the whole time and I just denied it.
I just want to know why? Why did you let me believe? Why did you let me walk away? Why do you make me feel like the biggest idiot?

I need change.